I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
