Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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