I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
