It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
