Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
