been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
