New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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