Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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