my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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