I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
