he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
