i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize