He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
