I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
