Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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