i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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