Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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