when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm really busy with my period
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