I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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