You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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