dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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