That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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