dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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