forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
