i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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