Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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