woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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