Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
