Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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