Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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