im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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