I just cut my nipple shaving
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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