So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize