The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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