i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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