It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I cut my penus on the lid.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
