Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
