I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
