capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
