it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
