he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
