My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.