Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I just ran into the couch, vagina first.

  (1-818): View more from California

  I hope you got dinner out of it

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  (818): I just ran into the couch, vagina first. (1-818): I hope you got dinner out of it http://tfl.nu/uzwb
  Replies (15) Good night (4319) Bad night (939)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.

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  (216): Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product. http://tfl.nu/f048
  Replies (24) Good night (912) Bad night (4218)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

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  (617): i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no. http://tfl.nu/n7ti
  Replies (6) Good night (5437) Bad night (1090)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...

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  (785): She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before... http://tfl.nu/n0in
  Replies (4) Good night (3515) Bad night (958)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.

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  (570): Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well. http://tfl.nu/plf2
  Replies (6) Good night (1484) Bad night (1211)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.

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  (952): Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me. http://tfl.nu/t30r
  Replies (10) Good night (1947) Bad night (1005)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?

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  (417): Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO? http://tfl.nu/uhod
  Replies (4) Good night (888) Bad night (745)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.

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  (724): I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas. http://tfl.nu/a06u
  Replies (8) Good night (822) Bad night (881)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did

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  (509): So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did http://tfl.nu/hjy4
  Replies (2) Good night (1443) Bad night (441)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.

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  (219): My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle. http://tfl.nu/g4yj
  Replies (11) Good night (1693) Bad night (682)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...

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  (256): Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/w83s
  Replies (0) Good night (908) Bad night (612)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow

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  (787): You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow http://tfl.nu/nndh
  Replies (5) Good night (1303) Bad night (443)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.

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  (630): come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone. http://tfl.nu/o5uy
  Replies (1) Good night (584) Bad night (429)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life

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  (704): Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life http://tfl.nu/jsnk
  Replies (1) Good night (583) Bad night (342)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.

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  (615): fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize. http://tfl.nu/qrsa
  Replies (2) Good night (311) Bad night (333)

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