I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?