Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile

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  (813): mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile http://tfl.nu/5jdq
  Replies (6) Good night (1896) Bad night (563)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.

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  (662): My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room. http://tfl.nu/yex2
  Replies (5) Good night (1545) Bad night (810)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick

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  (478): i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick http://tfl.nu/86s0
  Replies (14) Good night (548) Bad night (2561)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina

  (214): View more from Texas

  i got awkward and finally asked him what he said

  (214): View more from Texas

  he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it

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  (214): so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina (214): i got awkward and finally asked him what he said (214): he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it http://tfl.nu/s46y
  Replies (26) Good night (973) Bad night (5106)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

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  (917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx
  Replies (52) Good night (5820) Bad night (1905)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.

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  (901): I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck. http://tfl.nu/z7fe
  Replies (21) Good night (8298) Bad night (890)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.

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  (919): I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage. http://tfl.nu/i318
  Replies (7) Good night (1221) Bad night (3490)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.

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  (817): Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent. http://tfl.nu/lzjs
  Replies (6) Good night (2814) Bad night (984)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING

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  (320): don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING http://tfl.nu/kogd
  Replies (7) Good night (3128) Bad night (648)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-

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  (910): before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_- http://tfl.nu/01p5
  Replies (2) Good night (990) Bad night (408)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise

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  (410): I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON (908): Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise http://tfl.nu/ujsf
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (335)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?

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  (914): I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator? http://tfl.nu/y5q4
  Replies (3) Good night (637) Bad night (308)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka

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  (479): Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka http://tfl.nu/t2p9
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (183)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve

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  (630): A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve http://tfl.nu/0ike
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (223)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?

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  (330): Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to? http://tfl.nu/t7h6
  Replies (3) Good night (273) Bad night (386)

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