he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?