I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.