I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.