The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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