Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Good luck man

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  I dont need it. Shes easy.

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  (514): Good luck man (1-514): I dont need it. Shes easy. http://tfl.nu/vh2g
  Replies (8) Good night (2042) Bad night (668)
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  (626): View more from California

  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4420) Bad night (759)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.

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  (717): he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/6ugt
  Replies (56) Good night (8965) Bad night (1139)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.

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  (775): Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy. http://tfl.nu/sqr0
  Replies (20) Good night (1298) Bad night (4738)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense

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  (406): I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense http://tfl.nu/qajt
  Replies (48) Good night (5562) Bad night (1484)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.

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  (412): he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with. http://tfl.nu/jmfl
  Replies (13) Good night (5585) Bad night (1374)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!

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  (724): who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?! http://tfl.nu/teth
  Replies (13) Good night (2753) Bad night (1145)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline

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  (706): he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline http://tfl.nu/c26b
  Replies (6) Good night (2081) Bad night (931)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.

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  (305): I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead. http://tfl.nu/c42w
  Replies (9) Good night (1493) Bad night (713)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"

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  (+44): You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action" http://tfl.nu/vmud
  Replies (10) Good night (1560) Bad night (858)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

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  (704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9
  Replies (4) Good night (1740) Bad night (630)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome

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  (815): When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome http://tfl.nu/kf51
  Replies (6) Good night (2040) Bad night (389)
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  (315): View more from New York

  On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.

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  (315): On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties. http://tfl.nu/tf8z
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (324)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?

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  (541): I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had? http://tfl.nu/he5w
  Replies (4) Good night (383) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here

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  (336): Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here http://tfl.nu/w9vv
  Replies (2) Good night (330) Bad night (175)

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