dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
