sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?