I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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