I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
