I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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