there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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