if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
