i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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