Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am one with the molecules
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
