How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
