you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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