yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
