if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
