You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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