omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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