i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize