i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
