i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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