I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
