yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
