No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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