She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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