i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
