fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
