? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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