Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
