I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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