I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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