you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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