Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize